Almost Human
by Meilin Li
Summary: [Sequel to An Essential Virus: Shattered] Yue. Contemplations of a winged angel.


Disclaimer:  I don't own anything. :[

AN: Sequel to _An__ Essential Virus: Shattered.  You don't necessarily have to read that before you read this to understand or to enjoy it, but it would add to your understanding._

**Almost Human**

I've never met someone quite like Miss Nakuru Akizuki.  She definitely defies all logic in my book.  Rather than moping and griping about things, she ignores all else and acts on her impulses.  Some might say it's child-like and immature, but I actually think it's wonderful.  It's quite brave of her really.  I can never act like that; simply because it's not me.  It's not who I am and acting like that would bring me more pain than I could ever bear.  But many a times I wonder, what really defines who I am?

Is it the fact that I'm not exactly human?  Or maybe the fact that I'm a guardian first and foremost and a thing with feelings trailing lastly in the dust.  Being someone…one, with emotions is hardly the impression I leave on people's minds.  Rather, they see me as something passive, stoic, and never really there.  Just something that one would pass by and marvel at for a second, before becoming an old forgotten memory in the next.  That's me.  And it's been me for as long as I can remember.

I can barely remember what I was like back when I was first created.  I was naïve for one, and didn't really heed Clow's warnings.  But I soon learned. Oh boy did I learn.

I was never one of emotions even back then, and when something like hate or even love came into question, frankly I didn't care.  That is until Ayari came along.  She was one of the most beautiful beings that I had come across in my then somewhat short existence, and she still is.  She had beauty that rivaled the moons.  That long silky mid-night hair that hung down to the nook of her back was what first caught my eye.  But really, that's not the most eye numbing aspect of her.  Her eyes were like little planets against her pale, yet vibrantly rosy visage.  Those orbs of cerulean blue were intense, eye-catching and needless to say alluring.  They were eyes that I certainly could get lost in.

And I did get lost in them.  So lost that I wouldn't have found my way back even with a map pointing out every location there possibly were.  The first time I felt those feelings of lust, want, and most importantly, need, I was beyond myself.  I couldn't come to terms with what I was feeling.  Her image spiraled in my mind day in and day out, and I couldn't get her out of my head.  Not that I really wanted to.  After I met her I was happy.  I was content.

It was the first time I had ever felt that way and I loved the feeling.  I cherished it.  It was better than flying in the night sky with the wind brushing against my feather soft wings.  It was better than having a cup of tea with my Master and Ceroberous.  I let myself drown in it, barely noticing anything else that happened around me.  And that was my first mistake. 

I didn't know that there could even be a remote possibility that I could get hurt.  That thought never crossed my mind before, because to me, it was impossible.  The feeling was too good to go away.  But I should've known.  Good things didn't last very long. 

She left me, not because she didn't want me, but because she was forced to.  Something greater than even the forces that surrounded the earth took her away from me.  Not even Master could save her, his magick was nothing compared to this--the fate of a mortal in the hands of destiny.

The feeling was torn right out of my hands and stabbed through my carefree heart.  The soaring high was suddenly gone and I was left feeling emptier than I was ever before.  And it was then that I had the scariest thoughts imaginable.  I began to contemplate my existence in the world.  Why me and why I was created. 

It gave Clow such a fright that he had to mute my powers for a while.  But in that while, I was too miserable to even realize that I had gotten what I had wanted ever since I met Ayari.  A normal life.  To be able to do things like everyone else but without the consequences.  _To be human.___

When my mind finally acknowledged the selfishness of my thoughts and actions, it was a bit too late for me.  My heart had long turned into stone and it was just too unstable to feel any sort of emotion anymore.  It was safer and I became what I am today.  From that day forward, I put my Master before everything in my life.  And so it was that my guardianship, my job—Clow, came to be more important than even my own petty life.  

And I was content for a long time.  I was content until Clow too passed away.  Though he did promise me another Master, I highly refused to accept this.  Clow was the only one worthy enough to be my Master.  For no one knew me as well as this one single being did.  But never the less, he was soon gone and I was left without a purpose in life once again.  

Do you know how it feels to live without a purpose?  Everything is bleak and every day is tedious.  There is almost no point in living, but Clow had made me promise that I would guard this new Master of mine anyway I can.  And I was never one to break a promise.  Even one made out of distress.  

For a long time I thought this new Master was the one called Eriol Hiiragizawa.  He held so many similarities to Clow.  Not only his physical appearance, but his aura was uncannily similar as well as his vast amount of power.  In odd ways he also reminded me a lot of Clow.  This boy had the characteristics and the intellect to become Clow, but he couldn't.  

The power of Eriol Hiiragizawa drew me to him almost unconsciously; for the first time I saw him, he was reading a book in a large red chair.  He was so unlike Clow, though I could feel power radiating from his very being.  This little boy was barely older than the age of 8 and yet he was reading three inch thick books without a care in the world and a delighted smirk upon his very lips!  But as I soon realized, he wasn't as different from Clow as I originally thought he was.  Sure the boy had his cheerful side, but he was also quiet, mysterious and wise.  So much like Clow, but he could never be; Clow was long gone.  

This is why I was left in complete shock when I found out that he too had guardians of his own.  This little fact was not left unnoticed by me.  It led me to believe even further of his connection to Clow, who else but Clow could have enough magick to create two beings with personalities to boot?  

As I studied this Hiiragizawa, I realized that he was no more than a mere kid; a child with an immense power base and an even more authoritative spirit.   He even had the capability to wield strange control over time itself.  He was magnificent to say the least, and for a while, Keroberous and I fed off of his straying wayward strands of rich magick.  But I had a feeling he knew, he knew that we were out there, for he would at times let more than just a pinch of his magick stray.  I knew he had more control than that.  And for that I was grateful.  

But as I learned about him, I learned about his guardians too.  His guardians supposedly counterparts to Keroberous and myself, were anything but.  Their personalities clashed with ours and we were as different as night and day.  Yet even as Keroberous and I were created to be such, we were more alike than our counterparts were to ourselves.  Spinel Sun also known fondly to his family as Suppi, was as mellow as Hiiragizawa, his patience only wearing thin to Ruby Moon, or Nakuru Akizuki as she liked to be called.  Suppi balanced out Nakuru's energy and both as guardians did a well enough job to be praised for it.  They never questioned Hiiragizawa's commands, but rather they went out of their way to please him.  Suppi would research books day in and day out, staying up for incredible lengths of time without even so much as a nap.  (Keroberous would've fallen asleep in the first half hour.)

As serious as Suppi was, Nakuru was another thing altogether.  Though she was just as loyal to her Master, she liked to do things for herself too.  So if it benefited her Master—it benefited her.  She is and always will be one of the most spoiled beings I will ever have the pleasure of meeting.  She always got what she wanted for she was as stubborn as she was demanding.  

On more than one occasion, I had seen the fiery passion that she sewn together to look like determination.  But it was more than determination.  It was a mixture of love, passion and fire.  I've seen her baby Hiiragizawa as if he were her own child.  And you want to know something amazing?  He allowed it.  I'm not sure Hiiragizawa had ever nor would he ever allow another being to baby him as Nakuru does.  He would never show that side to the rest of us, but to Nakuru, he'd show the world.  It was as if they both shared an unvoiced bond, like mother and child.  

She loved that form.  The human one.  She told me once that she felt more carefree while she was Nakuru Akizuki and rather confined as Ruby Moon.  Ruby Moon was expected to do certain things, act certain ways, and she much rather act how she wanted, she had said.  When I learned that, my heart lifted, knowing that she too felt the same as I. 

Nakuru isn't as different from me as I formally believed.  We're both alike on the inside, melancholy, compassionate, stern, passionate…  And I highly suspect she holds that air of happiness as a cover as I do with my stoic façade.  I could not imagine what had made her this way, for she was the same ever since I had known her… But now that I think about it, she has had her dark moments.  In those moments, she'd shy away from the rest of us for hours on end—though it happened rarely.  

As innocently hyper a personality as my counterpart has, she isn't as completely clueless to the world as she lets on.  Truthfully her mind is very bright and her emotions run deeper than you or I could ever imagine.  She reads everyone as if they're an open book.  Which makes me quite uneasy.  

If she could see through me as easily as she sees through Hiiragizawa, then all my efforts have been in vain.  All the years of practiced expressions and grim smiles are worthless.  But she hasn't said anything to me about that yet, so I think I'll just keep quiet.  Maybe, just maybe she'd read me wrong and think I was created emotionless.  

Really.  Who am I kidding?  I must give Nakuru Akizuki more credit than that.  She'll see me for who I am.  She'll see me as a monster with a void in the emotions department.  And she'll learn to avoid me like everyone else; if that hasn't happened already.  But why do I feel as if I want her to see through me?  It's as if I want her to see me for who I am and not who I perceive to be.  Where are these feelings coming from…?

"Yue-san."  She's always so formal now-a-days.  Never like she was before.

I stared ahead, eyes set, barely acknowledging her presence; just because I didn't want to.

"Yue…" I should have known that, that wouldn't even faze her.

I could feel her mouth melt into a smile as I gripped the railing tighter, my knuckles turning pale.  Didn't she get the clue that I wanted to be alone?

"Eriol-sama, Suppi and I are leaving tomorrow for England."  

I didn't think she needed an answer from me so I didn't answer.  She just needed to ramble to someone…  That's how it's always been. 

"I—I suppose you know already, but I…just wanted to tell you myself."  I don't think I've ever seen that drowning expression on her face.  It was new and oddly enough, gut-wrenching.

"I'll miss Tomoeda so much.  It's been so wonderful finally meeting up with you and Keroberous again…I don't really want to leave…"  

Did I just hear her sniff?  

"But Eriol-sama said that it's necessary."

My ice blue eyes trailed the edge of the moon, giving into its delicious contours providing enough entertainment that I paid almost no heed to the flustered female behind me.

"Yu--"  I knew that tone anywhere, even after all these years; she was about to rant.  

But I just couldn't stand it anymore.  Why must she always follow him like a puppy dog?  Why must she be such a faithful guardian?  "Must you always listen to what _he _says?" 

She looked appalled at the suggestion and I could feel the corner of my lips beginning to quirk, knowing what I said would silence her.  

I hadn't expected her to respond however, "Yes."  Determination laced her words, fire burned in her eyes.  "Whatever Eriol-sama says, I believe."

"Then you're naïve."

Nakuru blinked at me as the wind picked up and her hair fluttered and flared behind her.  "I guess I am then," I could see the irritation beginning to dawn on her face.   

I supposed she had enough of me because she turned around haphazardly and made a step to leave.   However I couldn't help myself but to challenge her morals, as well as her beliefs.  

"Do you love him that much?"  I wanted to know why she would possibly be willing to follow him to the ends of the Earth.   My eyes drifting to her back, trying to see through to her as wisps of her tendrils flowed in the breeze.  

"Have you forgotten that we're merely programmed to love our Masters?"

"I have yet to see your point Yue."  My name rolled off her tongue as her face contorted in a frown looking as if it left a bitter taste of disgust in her mouth.  

"_That is my point," I insisted and turned my back to her.  If she wasn't going to listen to reason then there was no point in attempting to convince her._

Her steps ran in my ears as she got closer.  I could feel the way her aura reached out to help me; to hold me up.   I could smell her scent of wild flowers and clear night as she ended up right beside me.  And I couldn't help but drown myself in all that was her.  

I barely heard her uncharacteristically soft whisper.  "No it's not.  What is your _real point Yue-san?"_

Momentarily I was taken aback by her accusation and her query.   I turned to look at her; sapphire eyes, pale face, and lengthy chocolate tanned hair.  Would she understand?  Would she be any different than all those others out there?  _Could I actually trust her?  _

Involuntarily my eyes slipped closed and I turned to face the moon again; bathing in its silver glory.  By gods, was this ever hard.  But I assume this is what happens when you don't hold normal conversations with people for decades. 

As her eyes lock onto mine, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of my barren shoulders.  By gods, she knows.  I don't know whether to be thankful or a bit cautious.  She knows I'm not an angel; that I'm not perfect.  She knows that I'm no demon; that I actually care deep down inside.  But she also knows that I'm not human; I'm just me, what I was created to become.

I guess she took my pregnant pause for not having a point for her because she shook her head, turned to the bright twinkling lights of Tomoeda and continued on in a distant voice, "Yue, we're not programmed to love our Masters.  We're asked to.  And whether or not you want to answer is all up to you."  

I in turn had to bow my head in respect for her childlike logic as my left hand reached up to touch one of her shoulders in comfort.  You could imagine the look on my face when I realized just what exactly I was doing.  But as the moment wore on, I felt more relaxed then ever as she suddenly leaned into my touch.      

After all, it was the least I could do.


End file.
